When I found out JJ Abrams was directing Star Wars

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

I have nothing against J.J. Abrams—I loved LOST right up until the last episode, and I even really liked his reboot of Star Trek. Actually I would have been all for Abrams tackling this new Star Wars movie. If he hadn’t already taken Star sides!

As it is well-documented by the Intergalactic Sci-Fi Treaty, you cannot be both a Star Trek person and a Star Wars person. You have to choose. (I, of course, am a Star Wars person. By blood.) And you sure as hell cannot direct films in both franchises. It’s a conflict of nerd interest.

Think about it. Even though they appear similar, even sharing 5/8 letters in common, these two franchises are completely different—in spirit, in style, in philosophy—from their fictional universes to their fans. Having one director direct both of these movies will mash them aesthetically into one Star Mess, blurring the distinction between these institutions for generations to come. I would do anything to prevent this from happening. I would even let Jar Jar come back.

In fact, Abrams made a similar point himself a few weeks ago, back when he swore he would never direct a Star Wars film, ever:

“Look, Star Wars is one of my favorite movies of all time. I frankly feel that – I almost feel that, in a weird way, the opportunity for whomever it is to direct that movie, it comes with the burden of being that kind of iconic movie and series. I was never a big Star Trek fan growing up, so for me, working on Star Trek didn’t have any of that, you know, almost fatal sacrilege, and so, I am looking forward more then anyone to the next iterations of Star Wars, but I believe I will be going as a paying moviegoer!”

He was NEVER A BIG STAR TREK FAN. Because he was a STAR WARS FAN. Duh!

You guys, I have a bad feeling about this.

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  • Mayonnaise Man

    Lightsaber lense flare in the house!

  • Alissa

    Not to mention the planet explosions!!!

  • Alissa

    OMG the lens flare! We’re doomed!!!

  • SJ

    The last episode of LOST was awful, still bugs me years later! He made us fall in love with those characters, then fluffed away all those episodes to what equated to basically a dream. Evil.